My Mantra

I have been really working long hours the past two weeks, but each night before I lay my head down at night my thoughts are about our child. I keep thinking that our child is in Russia right now - he or she is just getting ready to turn 1 year old. Wow! I try to imagine what the orphanages do for a child's first birthday..... Do they even celebrate it at all???? It is so hard to be patient. Sometimes I feel as if I am about to crawl out of my skin. The anticipation is overwhelming at times. I am usually pretty calm and easy-going, but if people could see what is going on inside, they would see that I am wound tight!!!!

Example: I mentioned in an earlier blog about going a little manic when I saw on the USCIS website that they were 6 mos. behind in processing I-600 A forms. I did contact every state rep and US congressman in my district. It is amazing. The state reps had someone call me back within a week - the US congressmen did not even address the issue (and USCIS is federal). I even received a follow up call today from my state rep. asking if the problem had been resolved. When I stated that I was still waiting, she gave me some sound advice. She was so helpful and I really felt that even though the state office could not help directly, that she gave me some contacts that can help indirectly.

Anyway, for the past week I have been practicing a new Mantra. I think it is helping. I spend almost an hour in the car as I am going to work each morning and another hour home. The drive time is really not that bad, except that it is my think time. Right now, I need LESS time to think!! So, whenever my mind drifts to my impatient thoughts, I have begun saying:

"This is not about MY timeline. This is GOD'S timeline. He has never
forsaken me. He will be with me through it all - BE PATIENT"

I just keep repeating the mantra and after many repeats, I am able to feel a great sense of peace. I know that God has a plan for us. For years, we (mostly I) tried to address infertility options that cost us $, but never panned out. Instead of tearing us apart, it brought us closer together. There has to be a reason for this. I believe it is because God knows best. He knew that we needed the time to really know one another, trust one another, become each other's best friend, and deeply share our thoughts and desires. We know what we want in life, and if we will continue to follow God's plan instead forcing our own, we will be blessed beyond our wildest dreams.

So, as we PATIENTLY await the government to process our I-600A so we can get our fingerprints done, I have been trying to "get quiet" on the inside so I can find some peace in the plan that is written for us - instead of trying to write our own.